As strange as it seems, inside there's a need to get back to the war. I can't tell my folks this because they'll think I'm not glad to be home. I feel trappd, and like someone who is schizo or something. I'm glad to be back, but there's something always gnawing at me and I can't figure it out... I feel really confused.
-An OIF Veteran
I've heard many of the guys I was over in Iraq with tell me this same thing. Some have sought out other deployments to go on, volunteering with other units, contracting services, anything to get back to a place where life was real again.
In Iraq things were real and they were simple. You do your job. There wasn't a lot of grey. Back home in the civilain world things are not so simple. The entire world is grey. You also pulled your share of the weight, watched each other's backs, and developed strong bonds. Back home there is uncertainty. Some, not wanting to confront the great amguity of life in the safe and lax civilian world feel a need for some thrill. If they cannot redeploy they might seek thrills, ride motorcycles or vehicles in a dangerous manner, or pick up dangerous and other risky behaviors. There is a need to maintain an adrenaline 'high'.
And there is also guild in being in a safe place while our brothers and sisters are still in a war. We have a guilt in feeling what right have I to take it easy while others are out on patrol right now, risking their lives?
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